Back Seat Hookup

Private Confessions #3

BeautifulVixen22: Hey there…

LargeandHard69: Hey

My thumbs froze. I had downloaded this anonymous hookup app last night using the liquid courage I obtained from a large glass of wine. Tonight, I had a clearer mind, but I was lacking that same amount of courage.

For fifteen years I’d been invisible in my own marriage. I had been touched only by habit, then not at all. The last five years were worse: silence, then betrayal. He’d fucked his way through every assistant and secretary until one showed up pregnant and called me to gloat. The rage still simmered.

LargeandHard69: You there?

The message brought me out of the nightmare in my mind, and it was good timing. I did not want to spiral again. I had to say something, but what? I thought for a moment before typing out my message and hitting send.

BeautifulVixen22: Yes, I’m here. Just nervous. I’ve never done anything like this before.

It just felt right to be honest here, to a point, anyway.

LargeandHard69: Oh yeah? First time?

BeautifulVixen22: First time doing this, yes.

LargeandHard69: You’re in luck. It’s my first time, too.

BeautifulVixen22: Seriously?

LargeandHard69: Yeah

BeautifulVixen22: So, what makes you interested in an older woman?

LargeandHard69: I’ve been with girls my age and they are just immature. I want a woman who knows what they are doing. What makes you interested in a younger man?

I almost laughed. What I wanted was simple and feral: cock, friction, release. No conversation. No ties. Just a quick fuck.

BeautifulVixen22: I have been with men my age and they just can’t keep up with my appetite.

No need to let him know my life story. I was enjoying this. I needed to be seen. Wanted. Used. Anything but ignored.

LargeandHard69: Wow.

The three little dots appeared, letting me know he was typing again, but I wanted to just get ahead of whatever he was going to say. If I didn’t do this now, I was going to lose my courage.

BeautifulVixen22: So…you wanna meet up?

The dots disappeared immediately. Long pause. I bit my lip and held my breath as I stared at the screen, willing him to reply.

Finally, the dots appeared again. I let out my breath. My heart was racing a million miles an hour.

LargeandHard69: How do I know you’re real? No pic no bio

I let out a laugh. I was certainly real, but I didn’t know if I would run into anyone I knew on here. I could not risk that.

BeautifulVixen22: I’m real. Just discreet. Your name says large and hard. I want proof.

I grinned as I hit send. I was enjoying being more assertive. Another pause, and then the dots appeared again.

LargeandHard69: lol fair. You married? You want a pic?

I paused myself. Do I want a pic? No. I want to be surprised, and he could send anyone’s pic, right? Should I tell him my story? No. I’ll just tell him I’m divorced. Does that seem desperate? Maybe I am desperate. Hell…who am I kidding? I am desperate.

BeautifulVixen22: Haha! No need to send a pic. I want to see it for myself. And no, I’m not married anymore. Ex might be on here. I can’t risk being recognized.

LargeandHard69: Got it. Where?

I had to stop and think for a moment. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. Where in the hell would we meet? Certainly not at his place, and definitely not at mine. I wasn’t going to pay for a hotel room.

I opened maps. Not my house, and definitely not his. I wasn’t paying for a hotel room to feel cheap, and as 21, I was sure he didn’t have the funds. A public parking garage along the route downtown looked quiet enough for safety, anonymous enough for shame.

I dropped the name of the garage into the chat and hit send.

BeautifulVixen22: How about here? We could just park beside one another and see if it feels right, and then we can decide? Black Mercedes SUV, tinted. 20 minutes?

LargeandHard69: Bet. I’ll be there.

---

White-knuckled on the wheel, my mind raced through every excuse to turn around. But, the animal inside me, the one starved, caged, pacing for years, snarled louder than the fear. I needed to let her out before she tore me apart from the inside. I had to feel free again.

“At the next light, turn right, then your destination is on the right,” my GPS told me. Fuck, that was fast. I made the right turn and saw the parking garage ahead on the right. I took a deep breath and turned in, grabbing a ticket from the automated dispenser before pulling forward.

The garage was half-empty. I backed into a shadowed spot on level three, facing the ramp.

I pulled out my phone, opened the app, and took another breath.

BeautifulVixen22: Here. I parked on the third level in the back. Close?

I waited. Nothing. Maybe he chickened out? Maybe he decided he didn’t want to meet an older woman after all? He hadn’t asked for a photo and didn’t ask for one. I was glad he wasn’t a big conversationalist. I just wanted to get what I needed and move on. Maybe he found that odd and decided to bail?

The dots appeared. He was typing.

LargeandHard69: Just pulled in. See you soon.

My heart leaped. Fuck! This was really happening! I quickly pulled down my visor and checked my face and hair in the mirror, nervously smoothing it down before slamming the visor back in the up position.

A blue truck drove by quickly, the driver paying me no attention. Nevertheless, I slid down in my seat, even though I was in a dark area, and my windows were very dark. The truck parked several spots down. Shit. I was hoping there wouldn’t be any movement here. I looked back toward the direction he would have to come from. Hell, did he get lost?

A silver sedan crept up the ramp, headlights sweeping. Hoping it was him, I flashed mine once to let him know where I was parked. The sedan made its way over to me and parked beside me. I kept my eyes on the guy from the blue truck, remaining low in my seat, until he finally walked away. I could sense my hook up staring at me, but I couldn’t chance it. Once I was sure the blue truck man was gone, I rolled the window down.

He leaned across his passenger seat. Dark hair, darker eyes, that same easy smile from his bio photo.

I wondered what was going through his mind.

“Hey,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Nervous, much?” he asked, his smile dancing on his lips.

“Hey,” I replied, trying not to sound nervous. “I don’t want an audience.”

He nodded and looked in the direction the man just walked before turning back to me. “You don’t look like you’re 42,” he said, still grinning.

“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Not too bad for an old woman?” I added.

“Fuck no. Not bad at all.” His gaze dragged over me like touch. He pointed from his car to mine. “So are we doing this long-distance thing, or do you want to make it a little more…up close?”

His forwardness and sense of humor surprised me. I laughed despite the adrenaline. “Come sit,” I said, sounding far more confident than I felt, my heart thudding in my chest.

“Uh…sure!” he said. “Just a minute.” He rolled up his window, unbuckled, and got out of his car. He was taller than I anticipated, at least 6’, maybe taller. He moved with confidence as he came around and pulled on the passenger side door handle of my SUV. Locked.

I fumbled the button, cursing softly to myself. He slid in, bringing subtle cologne and heat.